I remember this day 4/12/2003 very clearly. I remember this day because I had a mental countdown chart in my head counting down the days until this day. I had a standing joke with my friends that I was going to make a paper chain and have a party for myself that day. What is the significance of this day, you might ask. That was Zach's 18th birthday and at the time in my very naive mind I viewed this day as my last day of responsibility for Zach...I must have thought that suddenly he would start making better choices or that his choices would no longer affect me. HA was I wrong. 6 years and 38 days later they are still affecting me. I wish I did not have to make a choice that is clearly going to make Zach unhappy. I wish that there was not an adorable almost three year old boy involved that makes the decision so much harder.
About one year ago Zach came to live with us. About two weeks later Riley joined him. Of course rules and expectations were set up for him to be able to continue living with us. And of course Zach believes that rules and expectations are for other people but not for him. He has slipped and we have forgiven. He has lied and we have forgiven. He has fallen and we have forgiven. He has dug himself a giant hole to crawl into and we have dug him out. My home is filled with contention and I am unhappy.
Recent events have made it clear that this cycle of Zach's is going to repeat it's self over and over maybe for the rest of his life. I believe that living at my home is making life to easy for Zach and that he does not have to progress or move on. In Zach's mind if he is out of jail then he has done well. If he does not pay rent... he still has a place to live, if he does not buy food... there is still food to eat. I take Riley to day care and I pick him up. So there is no need for him to get a license or a car. I watch Riley on Saturdays while Zach works. If I need to be gone I find the sitter. Now don't get me wrong I truly enjoy Riley, I love that he is excited to see me, I love that he has learned to talk and eat while he has been at our house, but I want to be the Grandma not the Mommy.
So here again I am caught in the middle of what is the right thing to do. Am I only thinking of myself or am I thinking about what is best for Zach. Lord knows that I know the right thing is not always the easy thing.
OH heavens I hate feeling like this. I know the place where he will chose to stay is not the best of circumstances for him, but he is there a lot of the time anyway. And he was absolutely aware of the consequences. Maybe I think that if Riley is not with me he won't be ok... but he probably will, Zach for the most part is good with him, and Riley adores him.
Thanks for listening
Graduation
10 years ago
6 comments:
I will keep you in our prayers and wish you the best in the tough decisions you have to make.
I think you will make the right decision for YOU.
So are you saying that being a parent never gets easier? Dang it! Good Luck.
Hard Times. Good luck.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is force them to stand on their own two feet, and that scares me to death.
The hardest thing I have come across so far is allowing my child to get an F on his report card because he needs to learn to be responsible for himself, because when he's 30 I won't be there reminding him to do his job.
That nearly killed me, so I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.
Sometimes the right choices are the hardest ones but how can someone learn to be afraid of falling when they always have a soft place to land...right?
I have no advice. Just a hug for you. I'm sorry you don't have an easy choice. I'm sure whatever you choose will be the right thing, even if it doesn't feel like it for years.
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